shewillbe;;

So of course, I should be studying but am I? Well, I partially am. But Im also texting Bre and reading my journal from one year ago. I want to share it! So here it is...

Jan 29th 2007
David told me he misses me and is excited to see me on wednesday. Im not sure if that makes me nervous or not. I really felt it was the right thing and I guess I dont feel God saying it isnt. I think David is so special and I just hope that we keep getting to know each other better. I have our first picture together up beside my bed. I think of him often. I hope Im as special to him as he as to me.

Jan 30th 2007
Its definately weird.. The whole David thing. I think I like him alot, which is really.. different. I just pray God continues to guide us.

Feb 1st 2007
Its real because he barely even blinked when I warned him about my past. He said he'd still like me no matter what. I almost cried. Its so beautiful. Hes so beautiful. Its seriously amazing. Beyond what I can imagine. I found him. My prince. He's worth waiting for and I see the sincerity in his eyes. Hes real. It means so much that he wouldnt judge me for my past. That he doesnt care.
"Starla, I look forward to our future, if I judged you on your past what kind of person would I be?!"
Seriously! If thats not incrediably real than I dont know what is. Ive always wanted to find a guy to love me regardless of my past...
(then theres a bunch of gooshy stuff i'll omit)
He still hasnt asked me out but I think thats okay. It will happen when its ready.

So Ive just been reading some of that stuff and I want to know what it feels like agian to trust God 100%. I remember when I was with David in the beginning and just seriously handing everything to God. If God would have said no, I would have told David to peace out. For real. I remember praying and being so focused on making sure we served God together. I'd give anything for a relationship of that sort again but I know God will bring me someone when Im ready and trust me. I am far from ready right now. But still. Just having complete trust in God was something I struggled with, and then David came along and it was like.. "Okay God.. Lets put this whole "trust" thing to the test" and it worked. It really did.
Reading these journals from last year at college really helps me want to change who I am. and I think Im ready to take that jump once again into Christs arms. Hopefully this will be the last time I have to take it. (as in.. hopefully I dont stray again)
-Starla

p.s
In case your wondering. I do seriously believe that everything happens for a reason and David and I broke up mid summer-ish. I was working at camp and when I should have been growing closer to God I ended up growing farther from Him. There were tons of spiritual attacks and I guess I put my own pride and my own selfishness on the line. And yeah. You live and learn and I know God put David in my life to show me that despite what Ive done in my past, I do deserve to be loved.