an over dramatic and PG 16 rated rant.

him: i dont want a girlfriend or anything.. haha.
me: oh..
him: so.. you wanna hook up with me.. no strings?
me: oh.. i get it.. you want me to like.. have sex with you.. and not get emotionally attached.. but just, be physical in all ways.. but not be in a commited relationship with you

okay so I didnt really say that last part. but I should have. seriously. I am so sick of failed "romances" if thats the term I can even call it. I hate when Im expected to "hook up" with someone... that doesnt want to commit. how in the world am I supposed to know that he is only being with me?.. chances are he isnt, or wouldnt be only with me.. since he doesnt want "any string".. I dont know if I have some sort of word or phrase written across my fore head that says.. "its okay! I have no morals! lets go back to your place!" uhm. no. definately not. maybe 3 years ago when my head was in the clouds and I believed that a physical relationship equalled love. But Im 21 now. Im not putting up with "little boys" (I say boys because thats how they behave), "little boys" who simply want only the physical side of a relationship. I will wait as long as I have to to find someone who will love me without needed to show me in a touchy feely way. Love isnt about a physical thing. I think you should be able to love someone without sex. Sex should be something for extremly committed couples. I say that because, so many people are just out there having sex and being in intimate relationships. Did you know that AIDS is the fastest spreading STD in Saskatchewan? So many people just dont care. And it scares me. I cant even believe that I used to be so niave. I mean, I realize now the dangers "one night of fun" can cause. NOt only are there STD"s like AIDS or Herpes that cant be cured, but theres the ones that you can carry without even knowing, and then spread it along to whoever else your with. can you say SICK!. Seriously! What is this world coming too. Need I mention that you can also get STD's. or STI's as there called now in the back of your throat. *shudders* I dont know about you. But I''d like my mouth to stay clean. And free of any bacteria that was festering on someone else's privacy. Really now. So even if you get off lucky, and can be treated for the clap... theres still the emotional attachment that comes along with sex. and if you tell me you can have sex or be physical without getting emotionally envolved. your lying. its not possible. when you have sex with someone.. you connect with that person on an intimate level. you give that person a piece of you. a piece that you can never give back. thats why so many teen age girls are just becoming numb to sex. they can so easily just have sex, and not get attached because they have just given so much of themselves away. so when they have sex, its like its not even them. its almost like an out of body experaince. they do it to please the guy their with. to make him happy. because if he's happy he'll love her.. right? WRONG!. it makes me so upset that so many girls just sell themselves short. you know? and I hate that. I really do.
Whether you believe in the bible or not, it tells us that sex is a sacred thing. Something that should be shared between a married couple. And I know some people who are all... "well I dont wanna get married.. blah blah blah" But you know.. I think that what the bible could mean when it says a married couple, is that, sex is meant for someone that you KNOW you will spend the rest of your life with. Ive made that mistake so many times just because some stupid boy drops the "i love you", I think he's going to stick around. but you know. it never lasts. it doesnt. its almost like. once you introduce sex or physical things to a relationship, it sours. like milk. all lumpy and curdled. you know. it sucks. once that relationship is over, your left feeling like the milk. sour and old. left out. used. like no one else would want to touch you. and so often we'd be like.. "well i dont wanna drink sour milk" when in reality we all are sour milk. we've all be poured into a glass and left out to get warm. left to lump and curdle. We've all felt that way. (maybe not like a glass of lumpy milk.. but you know what i mean)

i want to change this so badly. i want to help the girls that are hurting because of jerks like the one i talked too tonight. i wish i could be a motivational speaker or something. this topic is always something im ready to talk about.. and i have so much more to say on it. i have scripture refrences and i would love to help any hurting girl.. sometimes, not always, but sometimes, you can go to far in a relationship and instantly blame yourself, and you feel like, "oh well. ive already had oral sex. i guess i can try something else now" and its like a ladder. you start out holding hands. then hugging. then gropping.. and you know.. and eventually you may blame yoursself for going to far. and just feel like because you cant take any of it back, you might as well keep going. Ahhh!! but thats so wrong because you can stop and change!!

okay! i had the chance to mentor to a handful of amazing young girls at a camp last summer. so many of them in situations like i just mentioned. i was able to help them turn their lives around and it was an amazing feeling.

but okay. thats enough ranting for now..