shewillbe;;

ive always lived by my own personal motto. "love is for losers". because whenever i fall in love. someone tragic always happens. okay. maybe tragic isnt the right word. but you know what i mean. it seems i have a few options right now for a relationship if i wanted one. key word being if. im seriously not in the mood for a relationship right now. im far too busy and i dont even love myself. how am i saposed to love someone else. but you know. there are times when i kind of do think that having "companion" (haha) would be nice. maybe even fun. and you know. i do love being in love. i think its the best feeling ever. and when i am in a relationship i definately try and give 110% no matter what. i think im an awesome girlfriend. but. i guess im not afraid of being in love. or even falling in love. because. falling in love is the fun part. its when the person falls out of love with me that im afraid of. it happens almost everytime. okay. ive been in three serious relationships. 2 of which ended in the other person falling out of love with me. one of which ended with me faling in love with someone else. (it doesnt always happen. it was a super sticky situation and we were apart for so many months and ya. i guess it takes two have a relationship. and i think we both kind of gave up. but didnt tell the other person) SO. my point is. i dont want to fall in love right now because i dont think i could handle having another person come into my life, and then just walk away like its nothing, you know? and ive also been thinking. that. im not quite over my last relationship. (i know i know) and. i guess still have this teensey weensey morsal of hope that they'll come back around. and. i dont want to get into a new relationship. and then have the other person come back. and then im scared i'd end up hurting someone. im lame i know. but i guess im getting used to this being single thing. and i definately like having options. options are nice. options with no strings attached. (im just getting the drift of this whole, NSA(no strings attached) thing. i hate it alot actually. but im learning. because i dont want a relationship. but i want the extras of being with someone. i guess i want my cake. and i want to eat it too.

enough about that. summer is at my finger tips. so close i can almost feel it. today we went to the casino for grandads birthday. it was a wonderful time. i only was grouchy twice. and i dont want to talk about why. aaaannnd. my plans for the summer include. going to grand prairie. and edmonton. edmonton is a sissy and me trip. me and my one sissy. (the one im closer too) are going to pack up my cavy and hit the highway hot girl style. (aka movie star sunglasses and long flowing hair) we want to go to west ed mall. and i want to see my friend from camp, angee. =). i would also like to try and make it to calgary. (you know. calway park. plus. stephy lives there!) i think that will be fun. the edmonton trip will take place in aug. *shrugs* grand prairie. i may fly. if possible. (im horrible at judging distances) anyways. that one may not even happen. i havent decided fully yet. we will see though.

tonight. i have a date with my hot sissy. chachi. we are going to a movie. :/ not my choice. but i'll never pass up a bonding experaince with her. shes my fav sister. i love her like a fat kid loves cake. :)