shewillbe;;

ive been talking to God about my current relationship.
ive been asking Him for a sign that its okay that iam dating this guy.
i havent gotten a straight answer. so i'll keep praying.
the closest thing to an answer was this weird feeling i got on the drive
home from humboldt the other day. i was praying as a drove.
(as i often do) and i suddenly felt extremly overwhlemed with like.
happiness and tears. i kept praying. but the need to just pull over and
cry was intense. it was not a sad cry. a happy cry. i never cry when im happy.
which is different right?

the only time ive felt 100% certain about a relationship was when
i dated david. i prayed about that one day in and out for an uber long
time. and then God told me yes. and the next day david asked me out.
it all seemed to work perfectly, in one of those.. "Gods timing" moments.

though ive dated since david. its been just that. dating. i can honestly say
that i havent had an as meaningful "relationship". everyone ive dated
has just filled a void. a missing piece in my heart that needed to be filled.

this guy im seeing now though. he does so much more than just fill
a missing piece in my heart. when i first met him in jan. i knew i could
fall in love with him. it would just take time. from jan untill july he tried
to take me on so many dates. but i would always ditch and avoid him. maybe
i knew i wasnt ready for a relationship. but in july i made the move and
went to him. after a few weekends of seeing each other regularly he asked
me to be his girlfrriend. it took me almost a month to say yes. but i said yes.
he makes me smile. and his parents are like my own. i feel loved when im in
their home. and i know he loves me more than anyone else has.

ive been asking God. "father, please send me a man who will love me like
you do". i guess thats all i want. an earthly love that is like Christs. and thats
what i am striving for right now. i want my relationship with this guy to be
Godly. and i want to glorify Christ through it.