shewillbe;;

im trying so hard to love you. to love you like you love me.
but you see.. its hard to explain..
i was broken once... my heart that is..
and because of that, i think ive kind of.. built this wall..
i built this wall that protects me..
it keeps me safe.. and its always there..
i cant help that ive told you i love you..
because i do.. i do love you.. im not lying..
but when it comes to actually "loving".. i cant..
again.. its so hard to explain..
so many men have come and gone.. taken whatever peice of me they chose..
and i let them.. i let them touch me.. let them inside me..
let them use me.. i let them kiss me.. and let them take their time..
while inside my heart i slowly died... i slowly closed off from the world..
i seperated myself.. while these men "loved" me..
i alloud myself to believe that this was love..
though i know now that what those men did to me.. was not love..
ive yet to allow myself to experaince the love that others speak of..
true love..
true love..
true love..
ive yet to decide if i deserve this love..
i am used.. i am broken.. i am tattered and torn..
im dirty.. soiled and unclean..
i have a million finger prints that linger.. a hundred smells of cheap cologne that wont go away.. a thousand sleepless nights... and billions of tears stained with mascara..
i dont deserve a love so pure..
im sorry..