shewillbe;;

life, as always is seeming to begin to look up.
i got in my car and drove 2.5 hours to visit a friend.
we made a few quick stops.
then ended up at the lake for a camping adventure.
probably the best thing i could have done.
know why?
i made a new friend.
HE was in my shoes last year. (depression, suicidal.. ect)
he really i guess.. well.. at first he hurt my feelings.
i really hate when people try and THINK they know how I feel, or what im feeling.
and i hate when people think im only looking for a pity party.
IM SO NOT.
depression is real.
anyways.
he said some things that hurt my feelings.
but after we all went to bed.
i had some time to think.
and he was only being honest.
i cant let depression win.
and in order for me to win i need to get up.
i need to accept the fact that sometimes life isnt fair.
and "pull up my big girl panties" and just live. live. live.
so needless to say i woke up with a somewhat new outlook on life.
and ive been trying to be "happier".

this boy that i met.
he also made me angry in a different way.
he told me that if i commited suicide, i would go to hell...
OH NO YOU DIDNT!!.
the claws came out when he made that comment.
and im sure me arguing made everyone around the camp fire abit anxious.
"you know what. i believe that jesus christ is a man who died on the cross for MY SINS. he knows my heart. and everything ive gone through, he has put me through and been there through it. he knows what i can handle. how dare you say he could send me to hell. not to mention. i am a lesbian. so if hes sending me to hell for being depressed im sure i have a one way ticket there for being gay."
i hate hate hate hypocritical Christians. you know.
but dont get me wrong. being raised in the baptist church i understand where they are coming from.
but.
i am me.
and i do believe that jesus christ loves me.
and died for my sins.
this post went on a far tangent than what I was originally posting.

but life is looking up. i guess thats all i wanted to say.