let me tell you a secret

can i tell you a secret.
i did something today.
i was crying. real hard.
i couldnt stop. and i didnt know what to do.
so i went to the bathroom.
i got on my knees.
and i put my finger down my throat.
i did it twice. with no success.
but the third time. was eventful.
the forth time too.
i did it untill nothing came out.
and for the for time in a very long time.
i felt in controll of something.