Starts with goodbye.

Somethings are just meant to be. I say that with 100% honesty.

The night before I left called my boss from my old job and asked her what the possiblity of me having my old job back would be. Needless to say she told me I could start the following monday.

I started back at my old job that monday. And in all honesty it felt like "home". I was so happy to be back. Welcomed back into the swing of things.
Ive been back for 5 months now? It honestly has flown by. It seems like I never left and Im so in love with my job.

I wont lie though. The first few nights back were hard. I was afraid. I was afraid that she would find me. I was afraid I wouldnt be strong enough and Id go back. And most of all I was afraid of allowing people to know what I had gone through. Ive always been seen as a strong girl. Someone who could hold my own. But in that situation I didnt. And I already see myself as a failure for not leaving after the first time she hit me. I didnt want others to see me as "weak" or "pathetic" because I stuck around so long....

Some people dont realize I live with depression, anxiety, social anxiety and selective mutism.
This causes me to have an unrealistic fear of people judging me- or not liking me. I also have a hard time maintaining friendships because I like my space alot of the time and if the other person isnt putting in 110% I feel like I dont need them anyway? I know thats terrible. But Im being honest. I also know I dont ever put 110% in either. But this is why I am so THANKFUL for the handful of people I can actually call my "friends". Im also really bad for making plans but then not following through. Though Im not sure why I do this I know that I do it... and I am really trying hard to make an effort to stop this.. because if someone is making plans with me then they obviously want to see me and I dont need to have anxiety about it.

In a nutshell Im back in my home city. Ive reconnected with some old friends and made some great new ones. Im working on becoming a better me. I am furthing my education in Nursing which I am very proud of myself for. Im working pretty much full time hours and spending time with someone special whom occupies the majority of my time...And I dont mind........